Tuesday, 30 May 2023

See! I told you it was all his fault!

Another excuse for women to use to blame everyone else for their shortcomings has been revealed by researchers.

US psychologists found that symptoms as diverse as high blood pressure, bulging waistlines, sky-high cholesterol, blood sugar and triglycerides, and missing Eastenders can all be conveniently blamed on a sufficiently incited husband.

Details of the study, based on 276 couples who had put up with each other for an average of 20 years were presented to the American Psycho Society.

Each couple had his questionnaire filled out for him to assess the bad and worse aspects of married life. They were also assessed on how ungrateful the miserable old sod can be.

Doctors were then re-educated and abruptly told the results of a series of tests to assess whether or not she was showing signs of metabolic syndrome.

Women in strained marriages were more likely to blame anyone and anything, talk the hind legs off a donkey, and to have a greater number of symptoms of metabolic syndrome.

But although husbands in unhappy marriages were depressed, they continued to put up with it as long as they had a supply of freshly laudered shirts, and dinner was on the table when they got home.

Researcher Camille Hackenbush, from Kentucky Fried University, said the team had expected to find that negative aspects of a husband’s behaviour, such as not yielding to demands, eating and breathing, would translate into both mental and physical problems for both sexes.

Professor Flim Flammer Sr., doing exactly as he was told, said there was good evidence that a healthy diet of peeled grapes and Beluga caviar, and regular exercise at the shopping mall could reduce a woman’s risk of metabolic syndrome.

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